When we got to Jim’ house, his fiancé came out of the kitchen to greet us and Drew and I both stopped dead in our tracks.
"Hey, aren't you the girl from the bar last night?" I asked. It was the woman with blonde hair that hadn’t been afraid to call Drew out on his lame attempt at trying to get in her pants. "Liz, right?"
As soon as she saw us her eyes got wide and her mouth flew open. But she gained her composure quickly and smiled.
"Wow, I'm surprised you remembered. When you left the bar you were crying and singing at the top of your lungs ‘I got ninety-nine problems and the bitch is all of them’."
I grimaced at the memory that frankly, I didn't remember at all.
"Really, don't worry about it," she laughed when she saw my discomfort. "It was quite fun pointing and laughing at you all night," she teased.
"Remind me never to get drunk around you again. I might wake up with my head shaved," I said with a laugh. Liz motioned for us to follow her the rest of the way into the living room.
"Don't worry, I'd never do something like that," she promised with a smile as we all found a place to sit and she relaxed next to Jim on the couch.
"Don't lie, sweetie," Jim laughed as he swung his arm around Liz and rested it on the back of the couch. "The night I met you, I had to pry a black Sharpie marker out of your hand because you were going to write "insert penis here" on some guy's cheek with an arrow pointing to his mouth. Wasn’t he passed out in some room in a ba-"
Liz jumped up from the couch suddenly and grabbed Jim’s hand.
"Hon, can I talk to you for a second in the kitchen?" she asked, pulling him up before he could answer.
"Sorry, we'll be right back," Jim said over his shoulder as he was quickly ushered out of the room.
Drew leaned forward, placed his elbows on his knees and whispered across the coffee table to me.
"Fuck, that chick still looks so damn familiar. I hope I didn't sleep with her. That would be kind of awkward, right? I mean, we just met this guy. He's nice. I don't want to have to tell him I've seen his girlfriend's vagina. He might not let us eat dinner and I'm f**king starving."
"Drew, I'm pretty sure she would have said something by now if that happened," I assured him.
"I don't know man. She looked surprised to see us just now. I bet you they're in there right now arguing about my penis. What do you think she's saying? Do you think she's telling him it was the best sex she's ever had? I haven't gotten in a fight in a while. Maybe I should stretch."
"Jesus, how do you fit your ego through doorways?" I asked as the sound of the front door opening and closing stopped Drew's musings.
Faster than I've ever seen anyone move, Liz flew out of the kitchen and bolted to the front door. They had a foyer around the corner from the living room so we couldn't see who had just got here, but we could definitely hear her.
"Elizabeth Marie Gates, you owe me big time. That was the single most horrific experience of my life."
Holy f**k, I know that voice. And why am I suddenly thinking about barking dogs?
Muted voices filled the room as Jim sauntered in from the kitchen with a giant bottle of grape vodka in one hand and two bottles of beer in the other. He cocked his head and stared at Drew with a funny look on his face and for a minute, I wondered if maybe Drew was right about sleeping with Liz. After a few seconds though, he smirked like he just remembered the punch line to an inside joke, placed the beers on the coffee table in front of Drew and me and turned to face the direction of the foyer but didn't move from where he was standing.
The voice from the foyer suddenly got really loud.
"I lost my shit after the question on c**k rings getting stuck in vaginas and told them all about my stellar sexual history. Jesus H. Christ, Liz, a woman who has had one point five lays and didn't even come close to getting off during them should not be selling sex toys!"
Ouch. We should probably not be listening to this. She's going to be pissed.
Jim unscrewed the lid to the vodka and tossed it down on the coffee table where it clattered a few times before coming to a stop. I thought he was going to take a drink straight from the bottle or something, but he just stood there holding on to it, as if waiting for something. At least Liz was trying to get her to talk a little quieter. We heard a few of her attempts but they went completely unnoticed.
Shit, one of us should say something. Alert her to our presence by walking around the corner or coughing or something. But like the ass**les we are, we just sat there waiting to hear more.
The name Max was yelled and something about him getting two thrusts in before his dad walked in on them. Okay, now I wanted to hear more. Drew must have had the same idea because both of us leaned our bodies closer to the door so we could hear better. Fortunately, there was no need for that. Suddenly, everything was loud and clear as she walked with her back to us into the living room while Liz followed her, shaking her head frantically.
"Why in the hell did you ever think I would be good at this?" she said as she came to a stop and put her hands on her hips.
It was the girl from the bar last night. Halleluiah! And don't judge me just because I knew it was her as soon as I saw her ass. That was a really, really nice ass right there. I wanted to get down on my knees and praise God and the makers of the jeans she was wearing. I wanted to f**k that ass.
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